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Inside: If you are reading this, it likely means that you are a tired mom. And not the kind of tired that a good night’s sleep and a hot bath will fix. But instead, the type of tiredness that reaches deep into your bones and settles in for the ride. Below we will look at why moms are so tired and a few ways to combat this.
Why are moms so tired?
To the tired mom, I see you. Mom fatigue is a very real thing. Below you’ll find real reasons you’re a tired mom. Oh, and there are a few things you can do now for some quick relief.
To the tired mom who worries too much…
Since the day you gave birth, you’ve can’t stop worrying like you’re on an out-of-control spinning amusement park ride, and you want off.
The weight of responsibility closes in around you. You are responsible for caring for and keeping alive this beautiful child. And perhaps now you have one, two, three, or more beautiful kids, and they are all your responsibility too.
You are so tired of being the “responsible” one, and why did you have to have the fearless child who swings from the rafters without a care in the world.
You want to scream from the hilltop, “I am only one person.”
The responsibility is relentless, day in, day out, month in month out, year in year out, and you’re dizzy.
I see you; I’m dizzy too
- Remind yourself that worrying is completely normal and give yourself permission to take a break. Most of what we worry about will never happen.
- Ask for help. I’m serious. Utilize your support networks and take a break from the crushing responsiblities to recharge the battery. You’ll be surprised how much the fog clears after a few days of ‘you’ time.
- Schedule worry time. Get a pretty floral journal and give yourself 10 minutes before bed to write down all your worries. We have a fillable or printable Worry Journal here.
To the tired mom who hovers too much…
It’s true; sometimes, you hover over your kids like they’re ice cubes melting on a hot summer day.
Now I get it! Some things warrant all.the.hovering (like swimming and crossing the street). Still, you find yourself leaping like a lioness to fix every little problem your cubs have, from the annoyance that their lego tower fell over to the epic tantrum over green versus red jello.
You want to fix everything. You don’t want your kids ever to feel bad. It’s your job to make them the happiest little people on the planet.
Some of your friends even call you a helicopter mom or roll their eyes and tell you to “just relax.” (Cmon, people, when in the history of the world has telling someone to ‘just relax’ actually resulted in them relaxing?) How can you ‘just relax’ when you are responsible for this tiny person who you love more than the breath you breathe.
I get it; something primal occurs within me when I hear my child cry.
You’re tired of trying to be all the things, all the time, tired of the disapproving stares from strangers and friends, tired of the judgments, tired of trying to be ten steps ahead (with eyes in the back of your head) and play out every possible scenario.
I see you; I feel this too.
- Write this down: We can’t save our child from every negative emotion or experience. We can help them learn how to cope with frustration, dissappointment, anger, and sadness. Don’t jump in to save them over every little thing.
- Give yourself permission to let go, just a little.
- Take a deep breath. Your child must forge their own path, and some of that responsibility is on them. Let them try.
To the tired mom who feels guilty all the time…
Lately, you’ve been searching for that twinkle in your husband’s eye, the one he used to get on Saturday night after an enriching conversation and a bottle of wine.
You wonder when that all changed.
And you know, at your deepest level, you are no longer the carefree women he married.
You are now a mom. Spontaneous weekend getaways to wine country are now a part of the history books.
You might stare at your “nice” clothes tucked in the back of the closet and then sigh in frustration because “what’s the point?” You can’t even make it through breakfast without a spill.
All the Insta moms seem to have it together; why don’t you?
This makes you tired. Why can’t you be like the Instagram moms?
Then suddenly you miss your old life, but this just makes you feel bad because what kind of mother misses her life before her kids were born?
And then you feel guilty. Guilty for thinking this way, guilty for yelling at your kids, guilty for your mom bun and sweats, guilty for making mistakes, guilty for not being carefree, guilty for not being an Instagram mom.
Guilty because your life isn’t a hallmark movie, and you aren’t “enjoying every moment” as all the wise elders advise.
Guilt every damn day.
And this makes you tired.
I see you; I feel this too.
- Remember: Instagram mom’s are not real. Period. They do not exist. Noone has it all figured out, despite what it looks like. Let that s**t go. Better yet, take a break from social media.
- Go ahead and miss your old life. It’s perfectly okay, it would be weird if you didn’t feel nostalgic at times.
- Have a chat with your partner, you might come to realize they adore the mom bun and sweats, especially when that mom is caring for their precious child.
- Realize that all relationships change, it’s life, everything changes constantly. Find a new normal (you might be surprised that it’s even better than what you had before).
To the tired mom who has lost herself
Your *well-intentioned* friends also tell you you need to practice more self-care, get out more, take up a hobby.
But you aren’t even sure what you like to do anymore. You’ve spent so long living and breathing your family.
Sometimes you feel like you are standing on the sidelines of your own life.
The thought of sweeping the snow off the car to hit up that new art class leaves you paralyzed with fatigue.
Secretly, all you want is Netflix and a few moments of peace.
I see you. I feel this too.
- Find your thing. How? Write down what is important to you in a few words, phrases, or sentences. Most sentences will fit into: Health, marriage, career, spirituality, kids, hobbies, self-improvement. Rank these sentences in order of importance. This list will guide you to prioritizing and incorporating a few of these things into your schedule. For example: your sentence could read: I want to feel healthier – this could lead penciling in a weekly yoga class.
- Incorporate fun self care activities that include your kids – click the button below for 20 ideas.
To the tired mom who is grieving the loss of her former self…
I get it, mom. Your life, as you once knew, was taken from you in an instant. You didn’t even get a chance to mourn the loss of the person you once were, who you will never be again. Because now you are a mom. Someone calls you mom.
And this is real, and it’s like we caught between letting go of who we were and accepting who we now are.
Sometimes I’m lost in my thoughts, remembering the days when I could just jump in my car, roll down the windows, put on my favorite song, and go anywhere, do anything.
The world seemed so full of possibilities.
And now, well, you just want someone else to remember to get the friggin milk.
When did that bushy-eyed perception of the world disappear?
I see you; I wonder this too.
- Take time to mourn your former self. This is important. Reflect on the pleasant memories.
- Infuse fun into life. Just because you are now “mom”, doesn’t mean life has to suck. Create a family night calendar – each week write your weekend activity on the calendar.
To the tired multitasking mom…
You might pride yourself on being a master multi-tasker, but continually living in ten different headspaces eventually takes a toll over time.
You’ll argue, “but if I don’t multitask, who will?” You’re a parent, teacher, driver, referee, friend, cook, and cleaner, after all.
The sheer volume of tasks we must complete each day suffocates us like full-body compression socks. How can we blissfully live in the present moment (as everyone always suggests) when we have 30 things to wrangle at all times.
Our bodies can get stuck in fight or flight. We stay stuck in this revved-up mode; basically, we are prepared to engage in battle at any time. Did you know when you are stuck in this mode, your eyesight gets sharper, your muscles stronger, and adrenaline pumps through your body. You are ready for attack! But if you stay in the state over long periods, your body gives out. It damages your nervous system. Chronic health issues arise.
So when people ask why moms are so tired all the time, you can nod yes, because it’s like your body is running a marathon every dog darn day.
- Do one thing at a time. Ponder the experiment of the two cars headed to the same destination, one went the speed limit and enjoyed the ride, the other frantically sped. Who do you think won? Well, the frantically speeding car won, but only by a hair of time. Life is a bit like this. The multitasking isn’t getting you anywhere faster.
- Read up on mom burnout. We have 9 fantastic solutions for relief.
- Do this breathing exercise from Wim Hof every day.
To the tired mom who thought parenthood would be easy?
To this tired mom, I know sometimes you let the kids win, even when you shouldn’t. But you’re just so tired, and you have no fight left.
You never imagined going to the washroom alone would be a problem.
Parenthood is beautiful, rewarding, and terrifying all at the same time. But easy, never easy. And each age and stage is an entirely new adventure.
What is Mommy Fatigue?
Mommy fatigue is real:
MD Care Urgen Center says, “Mommy fatigue is a form of exhaustion that occurs as a result of feeling physically and emotionally overwhelmed by parenting. An exhausted mom often experiences fears related to not being good enough, relinquishing control, and losing her sense of self.”
Remember, everything you are feeling is normal. (And of course, if for any reason you feel it’s not normal, always seek the advice of your doctor)
Okay, tired mom, let’s stop this and look on the bright side…
First, you need to know Instagram isn’t real. None of it.
No mom is perfect, no matter how it might seem on social media. If social media is getting to you, shut it down. Seriously, do it.
Secondly, it is okay to incorporate quiet time into your days with your kids. It’s all about massaging your routines. One hour of quiet time after lunch is a great idea (for everyone). Setting a rule that the kids don’t come out of their rooms before 7:30 a.m is reasonable. (Grab one of these sleep-wake clocks).
Thirdly, how about bringing back a little fun into our routines? Fun clears the cobwebs of our minds. Is that what they say? (Not sure who says that, but I’m saying it now).
And lastly, we are parents; we are supposed to be tired, cut yourself some slack, have a chamomile tea, stop the scroll, shut off the Netflix, and go to bed early tonight.
Final thoughts to the tired mom
Oh lord, there are many days I’m crying into my coffee or clutching the phone tightly when I get that call from the teacher, But somehow, when I peek in on you at night, when you are sleeping peacefully, I momentarily forget about my tired mind and body. I smile, pull your blankets up, and kiss you on the forehead, and I know that every tired moment is worth it. Because someone now calls me mom. And that means I’m a superhero.
What you Should Do Next…
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